Chapter 5: War!

I had a plan to escape. I had to wait for many weeks, but in London, my chance finally came. Immediately things went wrong. I couldn’t get the king’s chains off! The slave master interrupted me. When he went outside, I followed him and attacked him in the dark. But the police arrested me and put me in jail. I said that I was a noble’s servant. They were afraid of the nobles and let me go. Then I discovered that the other slaves had killed the slave master. They were all in prison, condemned to death!

I found a telegraph station and sent a message to Clarence - Send knights to save the King and I, they want to hang us! Tomorrow!

Everyone in London was looking for me. They took the slaves about London to recognize me. Unfortunately, one of them saw me. They took me to the other slaves and decided to hang us that day. The knights would never arrive in time. It was too late.

They took us to the execution place. The King tried to say who he was, but everyone laughed at him. They started to hang the slaves. Then they started to put the rope round the king’s neck. It was dreadful. I couldn’t move.

Suddenly a grand sight! Five hundred knights in armour - on bicycles! Sir Launcelot and the knights saved the king. Clarence was very happy.

“What a surprise, eh?” he said. “The boys practised for a long time!”

Soon I was home again in Camelot. I had to fight Sir Sagramor in a tournament. Everyone came to see it. The knights all supported Sir Sagramor. Merlin did some magic to protect him. I only had Clarence to support me.

We started the fight. Sir Sagramor was in full armour but I was wearing light clothes. Everyone thought I was ridiculous, but I could move fast and avoid him. He couldn’t catch me. He got very angry and wanted to kill me. I used my lasso. They didn’t know about cowboys and were amazed. I pulled Sir Sagramor off his horse and won the fight. But Merlin stole my lasso and Sir Sagramor wanted to fight again.

I shot him with a gun.

Everyone was shocked. They thought it was magic. The knights were angry Five hundred of them attacked me all at once. I shot some and the others escaped.

Everyone was afraid of me. For three years, I improved the country. It was happy, civilised, with more money. Slavery was illegal. I wanted a republic but decided to wait until King Arthur died.

Then one day my child got sick! I was married to Sandy. I had married her because it was polite, but then I realized I loved her. I was totally happy with her. We had a daughter. Now she was sick. Sir Launcelot, a very kind man, helped Sandy and I to look after her. Then we decided to take her to the sea for her health and sailed to France.

When there was no news I sailed back - everything was a disaster. Clarence explained that the king was dead, Guenever was a nun, the knights were fighting and the Church wanted to dominate the land. We had to fight! It was time for the revolution! We declared a republic, and the knights came to fight us. We hid in a cave and put dynamite everywhere. There were only fifty-four of us, and twenty five thousand of them, but when they attacked, we electrocuted them and then made them explode. We won!

Postscript by Clarence

I must finish the story. The Boss made a mistake. He went to offer help to some injured knights but one of them recognized him and stabbed him. Then we realized that our cook was Merlin in disguise. Merlin did some terrible magic and now The Boss is sleeping. He will never wake again.

Final Postscript by Mark Twain

At dawn I stopped reading. I went to the stranger’s room and knocked on the door. There was no answer. He was delirious. He spoke.

“Sandy, is that you? At last, now I can go back to you and our daughter! It was terrible without you! I am in the wrong century. A trumpet! It is the King!…”

He never finished his sentence.