Chapter 2: Freemen!

We were immediately in the countryside. It was lovely and pleasant, very green, there were a lot of trees, fields and rivers. Then it started to get hot. Sweat ran into my eyes. My armour got heavier and heavier.

Finally, Alisande took off my helmet, filled it with water and poured it into my armour. I felt better. Alisande never stopped talking. I told her to take a rest and not use up all the air.

Night approached. It got dark fast. I found a place for Alisande to sleep and then one for me. It got very cold, and lots of insects climbed inside my armour. I couldn’t sleep. In the morning, I was cold, tired and hungry. Sandy was bright and fresh.

We set off. Suddenly we met a group of poor, ragged people. I had breakfast with them and saw they were very happy. They were Freemen. They were farmers and artisans, about seven tenths of the population. They were the only useful part of the population but they could do nothing without the permission of their lords or the church. They couldn’t sell anything without paying tax. They had to give part of their produce to the lords and bishops and work for them.

These men were free, but they were repairing the bishop’s roads as part of their duty. I asked them: ‘If you had a vote tomorrow, would you vote for a king?’ They didn’t understand, except for one man. He said, in a nation with a vote there are no kings or bishops. I decided to send him to my Man Factory, a school where Clarence was teaching people to read and write.

I gave the men three pennies for my breakfast. It was a lot of money but they deserved it. Then I lit my pipe.

The next day we were crossing a meadow when Sandy shouted, “Defend yourself! Danger!”

Six armed knights were in the shade of a tree. They attacked me. I lit my pipe. They suddenly stopped. Sandy said they thought I was a dragon. Then she told them to go to King Arthur’s court and surrender, becoming my knights.

Sandy told me the story of the knights. It was very long. While she was speaking, I remembered the girl I loved in Connecticut and I was sad. But then we saw a big castle.

Outside the castle, I met one of my knights. He was my soap missionary. He went about selling soap because I wanted a cleaner country. He didn’t manage to sell soap in that castle because someone died while they were using it. He told me the owner was Morgan le Fay, King Arthur’s sister. Her husband was King Uriens. Their kingdom was so small you could stand in the middle of it and throw a brick into the next kingdom.

Morgan le Fay had a terrible reputation, but at first, she seemed very kind. She invited us to have dinner. Then a page touched her and she stabbed him. She was very bad! Sandy told her I was ‘The Boss’ and she was very frightened of me.

I heard a terrible sound and asked to see where it came from. As I entered the cell, I saw something I would never forget. A young giant of a man was stretched on a rack. A poor young woman with a baby was in a corner. The man had killed a deer, a terrible crime. I told Morgan to free him and leave me with the family. The wife wanted the man to confess. Then Morgan would execute him quickly and stop his suffering. The man refused because the confession would give Morgan the right to take away all property from his wife and leave her with nothing. I thought: “This is a real man, a heart of gold”.

I asked to see her prisoners. It was terrible. Some were there so long they had gone mad. A young bride and her husband, separated by their lord on their wedding night, now didn’t recognize each other. Morgan le Fay didn’t even know who some of them were. An old man in his cell could see his home. He had a wife and five children. Over the years, he had seen five funerals but he didn’t know which member of his family was still alive.

I set all Morgan’s prisoners free, except for one noble. I didn’t care about him.

The next morning I was very happy to leave the castle. Sandy kept telling me stories. I met my toothbrush missionary. He was very angry with my stove polish missionary. Of course, there were no stoves yet, but I wanted to prepare people for them and teach them about keeping a tidy home.

We had another chance meeting, with the old man who had watched the funerals from Morgan’s prison. He was with his whole family now. The funerals had been false, a torture invented by Morgan. I was happy for him.

Suddenly Sandy said, “The castle! Look!”

“It isn’t a castle, it’s a pigsty!” I said to Sandy.

“It wasn’t enchanted before,” she said.

Sandy really believed she saw a castle with monster guards and captive princesses inside. So I paid the men who guarded the pigs to go away and rescued the “ladies”. Sandy embraced the pigs, believing they were princesses.

The next day we met some pilgrims on the road. They were going to the Valley of Holiness, a place with a miraculous stream of water. Suddenly we saw a terrible sight. A group of slaves. Their clothes were dirty and torn. Their faces were grey. They were injured from the chains. A girl fell, and the guards hit her. Then her new owner arrived to take her baby and her away. She cried, and a man tried to embrace her, it was her husband. They were separated. They would never see each other again.

I still feel terrible when I think about that scene today. I will never forget it.

We arrived at a pub where I met a knight I knew. He was my “stove pipe” hat missionary: he wore armour with a hat instead of a helmet. He said there was a terrible problem in the Valley of Holiness: the water had stopped! Merlin was there now, he was trying to make the water come back with magic. I sent a message to Clarence: Send me pipes, extensions and two trained assistants.